The breakdown of a family unit often gives rise to negotiations or proceedings in the court surrounding the time that children are to spend with each parent. But what happens when a child refuses to spend time with one parent, or has a reaction to spending time with one parent that does not align with their attitude to spending time with that parent in the past?This article discusses the topic of parental alienation, specifically as it arises in parenting disputes.

What is parental alienation?

In layman’s terms, parental alienation refers to a parent doing things (or not doing things) which result in a negative reaction from a child when time with the other parent is suggested, and this reaction could be the child refusing to spend time with the other parent, the child having behavioural issues in the other parent’s care or expressing a fear of the other parent.

In a book entitled “In the Name of the Child: A Developmental Approach to Understanding and Helping Children of Conflicted and Violent Divorce” the authors sum parental alienation up succinctly, defining an alienated child as:

…one who persistently expresses strong, negative feelings(such as anger,hatred, contempt, and fear) and beliefs that appear to be irrational, distorted, or exaggerated and significantly disproportionate to the child’s actual experience with a target parent. Entrenched alienated children respond in a phobic-like manner and express unremitting,strident rejection of a parent with no apparent guilt or ambivalence. Early precursors of alienation include complaints and expressions of discomfort along with resistance and lack of pleasure in visiting the target parent, together with role reversal and separation anxieties from the preferred parent.

(Johnston,Roseby and Kuehnle, ‘In the name of the child’ (2nd edition,2009, Springer Publishing Company)

Why is parental alienation a problem in family law?

Parental alienation is something that family lawyers come across from time to time in practice. Separation can give rise to negative emotions towards the other party and in the boiler-pot of Court proceedings, where both monetary and emotional stress are prevalent, those emotions are usually amplified. When this is paired with a situation whereby one parent is asserting it is not in a child’s best interests to spend more time (or any time) with the other parent for whatever reason, that parent may be led to denigrate or behave negatively towards the other parent in the presence of the child. Sometimes this can be a subconscious act, such as bringing up or discussing negative times in the child’s past relating to the other parent, taking photos of the other parent down in the home, refusing to refer to the other parent by names such as “dad”, “mum”, or speaking to the other parent aggressively or rudely at changeover and displaying unfriendly and uncooperative body language.

Parental alienation is a significant issue in family law matters. The very act of alienating a child from one of the child’s parents can foster feelings of anxiety, hatred and sadness in the child and may in itself give rise to psychological harm, which is a consideration which the court must recognise when assessing what is in the best interests of a child. It is a balancing act however, as the objects of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) (“The Act”),and the principles underlying the act focus on the child having the benefit of both of their parents in their life and protecting the child from physical and psychological harm. This is outlined in Section 60B of the Act.

Parental alienation, at it’s best, may hinder the ability of one parent to be meaningfully involved in a child’s life, and at its worst, may completely decimate the relationship with that parent to the extent that the child is suffering psychological harm by being forced to spend time with that parent. At it’s most extreme, in the latter example above, this can also undermine the relationship between the primary caregiver and the child, as if the primary caregiver forces the child to spend time with the alienated parent,trust issues might develop between the child and the primary caregiver. When a parent alienates a child from the other parent, the alienating parent should tread carefully as often their behaviour will backfire when the child is eventually made to spend time with the other parent, and they have to be the enforcer of that time. This can also be an issue when children mature, as they may begin to recognise the pattern of alienation and begin to lose trust and respect with the alienating parent.

Suggestions to deal with parental alienation

In order to deal with cases which involve parental alienation, it is necessary to refer to Act and in Particular sections 60B and Section 60CC to assess what is in the best interests of the child and what will protect them from harm.

At a practitioner, and parent level, if a child is expressing signs of being alienated from the other parent, it is useful to examine what behaviours the child is exhibiting, the parenting dynamic, and whether the feelings of the child are based in fact or fiction. If the feeling sare based in fiction (for example, the child may believe that the other parentis untrustworthy or violent, but the child cannot accurately describe why they feel this way and there is no evidence of untrustworthiness or violence in the matter) then it is necessary for parents to recognise acts or omissions in their own behaviour which may have given rise to the child’s attitudes and alter their behaviour accordingly. One must remember that the best interests of the child are paramount.  If the feelings are based in fact, then there are avenues for exploring those facts and dealing with the allegations appropriately by asking the court for certain orders such as therapy or counselling for the child, setting out processes to deal with making decisions for the child, issuing subpoenas, requesting orders be made for psychiatric assessment or family reports for the parents and appointment of an independent children’s lawyer.

It is wise for parents to assess the feelings and claims of the child based on their age and attempt to positively reinforce the child’s relationship with the other parent to the extent that it is appropriate. When caught early, most cases of parental alienation can be nipped in the bud by setting realistic expectations in relation to parenting arrangements and the future of the coparenting relationship, and this is where a qualified and experienced family law practitioner may be able to assist.

It is necessary for parents to look inward to examine what behaviours, if any, have given rise to the child’s views, and examine whether their behaviour has been consistent with what is in the child’s best interests with reference to the Act. A third-party family lawyer or suitably qualified professional may be able to assist with this, especially if separation is fresh and there are doubts in relation to the other parent’s views or parenting abilities.

For more information about parental alienation, please feel free to book a FREE 15-minute consultation with one of our solicitors.

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